20 Nov 2014

Jack & Jill - Reloaded

Hey Jill wassup? Hey Jack, she responded looking him up & down, he sure had grown since the last time they'd climbed up the hill together.

Jack and Jill went up the Hill.

So Jill what wassup now? abi you're trying to ignore me?

Ah ah Jack! She responded, Wetin dey on top this hill? Why do you always like asking silly questions?
E be like say that time wey you fall affect you bad.

Ah Ah Jill what's with the 'tude girl, I'm just trying to be friendly oh!, abi you woke up on the wrong side this morning? Okay so you want to fetch water, make we dey go now.

Yes Oh Mr Jack! Naija Water board don cut our water again! so I wan fetch water! So... how far now?

Jack and Jill climb up the hill to fetch some kegs of water.

So Jill, what are you wearing now? Like how Jack, she responded with major attitude? wetin that one come mean now and how it take concern you? Mchew!!

I mean, this your Wonder Woman swagg, is this how you dress just to fetch water these days?

Jill almost fell down laughing, Ah ah Jack!, you no go ever change, abi you no know say na Naija we dey? and a Mega Babe like me gats to be on top form even if na Gala I wan buy! After all you no know who person go jam for road or gill and to answer your question I'm wearing; Peruvian/ Mongolian blended hair, Dior Addict perfume, Wonder Woman custom made jumpsuit and Victoria Secret down under on top colour blocking platform shoes! and I dey ping my fiends, you feel me!

Damn Jill, slow down Jack whistled, No be small thing Oh! you sef, person no dey play with you!
We're playing not fighting Jill responded, every time you go dey question person like say no be naija you dey! This dreads wey you carry for head no be unto swagg!? Na him now, she kissed her lips, answering her own question not giving Jack the opportunity to respond. He secretly smiled at that knowing that babes went crazy for his dreads!

Anyway Jill you can fetch first, Jack offered giving Jill the opportunity to fill her Keg first on reaching the communal pump at the top of the hill, luckily there was no one else, but she was to busy scoping the area. So Jill wetin you dey find Jack asked pretending not to know what she was looking for. Abi something don lost? You drop money abi na your earring you dey find?

Jack, I take God hand beg you, carry your wahala dey go!. I dey wait person, she responded with annoyance (God, which kind bad market be dis today with Jack now!), everytime she climbed this hill somehow, someway Jack must to dey here too! Na Wah!  Eh come be like say they send am for me!

Jill come make we dey go, Jack shouted her out of her thoughts, knowing fully well what she was looking for. Jack, I know say we follow come together but as I leave my house this morning, no be you wey I carry for mind she responded.

That thing wey you dey find, dey your front, he thought. Okay, so you dey scope big boys abi? Jack asked. And so she responded. Jill soo, for your mind you feel say big boys go come fetch water here, na him you come dress like person wey wan go MTV Base awards in the hope of Lekki Big Boys Carry Waka! Chei I don Die, Jack fell out laughing! Jill was too embarrassed to respond knowing that Jack had caught her straight out!

Anyway Jack I know say you dey laugh me but how do you see yourself? well, Jill I could say I'm a big boy in some ways, but if I need water, I need water! (in fact he didn't water at all, he'd been waiting around in the hope that she'd pass by). Furthermore Jill make I advise you, those people wey you dey find, no dey come this kind place for day time. Dem dey shine for night!

Babes nothing do you, you fine die, you don't need to hang around scoping for any guys, make I help you drop your keg for crib eh!. Ah ah Jack you go fit carry 2 kegs Jill asked?, common babes look me well now, you can see say I dey capable!. Sure thing Jill thought, he was cut, but this was Naija after all and no be fine boy wey person go chop!

He did however have a fine crowing glory of dreads that she felt he wasn't about to lose anytime soon (in Naija these kind of guys were either in entertainment or wannabes), not that she was prejudiced or anything, in fact she quite liked guys with dreads, growing them required patience, an admirable trait Jack was obviously the patient type. Na Wah Oh -- This Jack of a boy don put me for mental high jump today! she thought!

Okay oh Jack, I hear you, she said following him downhill reluctantly, so caught up in her reverie that she tripped on a stub and;

Came tumbling down the hill.

Ah, Tumblina, are you OK, sorry oh Jack said, trying hard not to laugh, but laughing uncontrollably as he caught up with her downhill. So upon say I carry both our water you still manage fall down this hill.

Chei, Mega Chic PR failure he said, laughing all the way home.

©9javatar 2014

Hi folks this, this is my take on the old rhyme Naija style, look out for more nursery rhymes, old stories, fables reloaded.

19 Nov 2014

Love Recounted - Mamacita

They called her Mamacita.

Dazzlina couldn't remember how that name had come about but ever since her twins has started calling her that, the name had stuck and now even their friends called her Mamacita.

Her father had named her Dazzlina because he said that she dazzled him with her beauty the day she was born, as much as her mother had loved her, she hadn't been able to compete with the love her father felt for her and this had put a strain on their relationship, but that as they say was a story for another day.

Dazzlina was that deep mother that Melinda Haynes had written about in her book "Mother of Pearl, she was without a shadow of doubt a six-sided woman;
Feeling, Seeing, Knowing, Smelling, Tasting and Hearing every aspect of life actively and proactively. Living everyday as if it were her last, dazzling with her beauty and she was only 40. 

She'd had her twin assets as she called her girls Luma and Aurielle early, yoga, pilates, meditation and living consciously keep her looking good, folks said that she was a dead ringer for Amara La Negra and more than once she had given autographs in her name because it took too much time explaining that she wasn't Amara, truth be told she knew she could out twerk Amara any day of the week, she just didn't want to embarrass her girls, but they had become young ladies now and sooner or later she would seriously consider the offer from La Negra's people about becoming her double and doing stand ins for her, seeing as people really couldn't tell the difference between them, all she had to do was work on her spanish, she was quick study with languages any way, a gift from the years when her father was moving from one army base to another all over the world. As a family they had seen a lot of the world but not enough of the world.

The sound of the front door opening took her out of her reverie and she rushed to greet one of her twin assets not sure which one she was expecting today, they visited off the cuff and she was happy with that, she loved the spontaneity of their spirits something they took from her, they had tried the old switch on her severally but it never worked because she was the only person on earth apart from themselves who could tell them apart. Even their father couldn't tell them apart and they loved playing him!

She approached the hallway quickly to greet her daughter but was surprised to see Mensae Clarke the son of her ex husband's lifelong enemy and rival all grown up standing on her porch, damn if he wasn't the spitting image of his father she thought, remembering that she'd almost married his father but for the untimely intervention of Douggie Errol; the playa to outplay all playaz who had turned up out of nowhere, turned her out, fathered her twin assets and ruined all the groundwork and good foundation her father had instilled in her! She'd served her time with Douggie E, albeit never going to jail despite his trifling (she'd been lucky and savvy that way) however to her mind all those years spent with that trifling playa was worse than a life sentence and lot of women out there knew exactly what she meant! McHEW!

What can I do for you son?, the sound of her voice brought Mensae back to the present, he immediately saw where Luma got the light and Aurielle the darkness, he didn't understand how it was possible but the woman in front of him embodied both twins perfectly! He didn't know how he knew it but in that instant he just knew that she'd killed before and wouldn't hesitate to do so again if she had to. He didn't know how it was possible but she out beautied her twins in a regal sort of way but remained edgy all the same.

Good Evening Miss, he started to say when Luma stepped up behind him, hi Ma this is Mensae remember the guy I told you that Aurielle tried pulling the switch on, before I smacked her up in Starbucks the other day. I bumped into him and decided to bring him over to meet you.

Oh Okay, my Luma I said, embracing the sweeter of my twin assets, you know Mama's always happy to see you and your friends (over the years we'd had some many stray kids and animals in the house I'd lost count, not that Mensae Clarke was a stray, bringing him to meet me surely meant she really liked him!), come in out of the cold I said, wondering about the older Clarke and how Douggie would react to knowing that his shining star was sweet on his mortal enemy's son.

©9javatar 2014

NB:Check the blog, for the other installments of this novella. Thanks

12 Nov 2014

Love Recounted - The Wrong Twin

Aurielle meaning, girlAurielle

It had taken a hot minute, in fact it had taken 3 good hours for Aurielle to get ready for her sister's date. It took soo damn long to decide whether to be cute or sexy seeing as she had never meet this Mensae guy her sister was soo sweet on. Mensae this and Mensae that all day long, Aurielle just had to satisfy her curiousity.

She had decided to pull the switch on him because, 1. she could and, 2. she was born this way. Folks said she was "the bad twin",  her Mum and sister had had just about enough of her trifling ways but whatever, Aurielle wasn't in the mood for the negative vibes or reliving all their criticisms towards her, she was more curious and excited to see if this dummy would sense anything different about her from her sister Luma.
She sat in Starbucks, checked in on Instagram, quickly checked her outfit, and looked up just in time to see "him" walk towards her. Not bad she thought, even if his swagger was a bit pronounced for London, I could work with this still, she thought. Let the games begin. Everything was a game to Luma.

Mensae walked up to her and gave her a fleeting peck on the cheek, he couldn't put his finger on it but she looked different from their last meeting, not physically but her whole vibe was different, kinda off! Her cheek felt cold! Anyways he considered himself a Don and decided he could work with this. So, "wassup Luma?", glad you could make it out, thanks she said and her voice sounded unfamiliar (almost sourly), her mouth a sneer, damn Mensae thought, I guess I remembered her voice differently too (cause in his dreams her voice was always pure, warm nectar, dripping over him).
Can I get you a drink?, Well, we're in Starbucks innit so that would be a good idea she said, and kissed her lips soo loudly the windows in Starbucks began to rattle. Damn with the attitude Mensae thought, what would you like me to get .....? but before he could finish his sentence he looked up to see another version of Luma walking briskly towards their table. Well I'll be ......

It all happened so fast that Mensae was in a daze, just arrived Luma or whoever she was, slapped the other so hard she fell flat in the middle of Starbucks, he immediately bent down to check her pulse when he noticed she was out cold. What the fuck are you checking her pulse for? It's just a slap, no need to go all CSI on me, she'll come round in a minute. Listen I don't know what your issues are with Luma but we're on a date here, Mensae said, yes she shouted at the top of her voice, your supposed to be on a fucking date with me, this here heifer is my evil twin Aurielle who is forever stealing my dates or anything of mine she can lay her hands on!. Mchew!!!

Mensae looked up from the evil twin who was starting to come round on the floor, to the one standing in front of him with the blazing amber eyes and decided that messing with twin peaks was a definite no go for a player trying to maintain his A game.

Without another word he got to stepping, leaving the Starbucks drama behind, or so he thought!

©9javatar 2014

NB:Check the blog, for the 1st installment of this novella. Thanks

29 Oct 2014

Party People Promo Xclusive - Guestlist Only

 For Guest list 

 TONTEIRA - Mondays

 Project  -        Tuesday & Saturdays

 Libertine -       Wednesdays

 DSTRKT -      Thursdays

 JALOUSE -     Friday

 Whiskey Mist - Saturday & Sunday

These are Xclusive Mayfair clubs, contact for guest list to party like a rock star. 

@9javatar, #9javatar


20 Oct 2014

Let's Practice - Givology

If you want to know that is, it's simply the art of giving we all know what it mean's to give and the definition of "ology" is a subject of study/branch of knowledge so of course Givology would be the study of the art of giving, which would of course inspire the act of giving.

Those that read my blog regularly, albeit I must confess that I've been a lazy blogger so far will note that I prefer to only write on inspiration or if you like when I feel like it, otherwise I feel that my words will sound contrived and not at all like me.

Secondly I do not see myself as a blogger but rather a writer practicing her craft and the blog allows me to be self indulgent because it simply a platform for my creative expression, anyway I digress.

I saw a little picture on the net with the term "Givology" and immediately I feel I needed to write sumfink! 

So, to my mind I feel that each and every one of us already practice Givology, we buy gifts for the people that we care about, especially for special occasions; weddings, birthdays, Easter, prom, Christmas etc, etc  we give of our time, possessions, knowledge/expertise even our bodies in some instances, thing is what kind of givers are we?

Are we giving to receive?
Are we coerced into giving, giving under duress?
Are we thinking about what we are giving and why we are giving it?'s 

You may be thinking uh? what she on about now? 
The thing is, I'm always thinking outta left field, it's just me I can't really help myself because it's who I am.

If someone has a special occasion/event and you give them a present, do you expect one in return or do you take joy from the simple act of giving?
Does etiquette demand that you give to receive?
Does the gift you receive have to be commensurate with what you received?
Is it okay to give money? Yes Oh I hear the Africans cry, but are monetary/cash gifts event/culture specific and if that's the case how much money do you give someone without ending up looking like either cheap, embarrassed or both?

And what about?

Recycling gifts, as in second hand gifts (not stuff bought from the charity shop) but those dodgy nipple warmers that someone bought you last Christmas because they thought it would be funny, so you decide, you'll wrap them up real pretty and give it to your Nan and when she asks, "what is it?" you say, Nan! it a nipple warmer all the celebs dogs wear em! and she says can I have them instead? 

And what about giving of your time?
I know that this is a big deal and sometimes we don't realise that the things that you can't put a price on are the most valuable!
Time given to family, friends, acquaintances, colleagues.... what about strangers? would you give them the time of day if they asked? I've seen people walk straight past being asked the time day!
What am I talking about, I've been that girl!
I asked someone the time many many years ago before mobile phones, and of course I wasn't wearing a watch and he walked straight past me hurriedly as if I was gonna rob him!

Did you ever think that giving someone the time of day is an actual act of giving and not just a turn of phrase!

Anyway, I'm running out of steam so I'll wrap this up.

I read somewhere a few weeks ago that we should learn to, give without remembering and receive without forgetting (Brian Tracey).

I loved that quote soo much and it resonated with me as something to work on personally.
The actual quote comes from  a poet called Elizabeth Bibesco, 1897-1945 

“Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting.” 

My thoughts are to generally apply more thought when you're giving, don't be afraid to ask someone what they want whether it be tangible or not. You'll be surprised to find out that a lot of people prefer to be asked rather than receive a gift that's not functional/dodgy!

If I had a pound for the number of times that folks said to me, I really didn't know what to get you!, well if you asked I could have told you! and in addition to that I really feel that people shouldn't feel embarrassed if they can't rise to the occasion as it were. 

The process of giving should be as enjoyable as receiving. I think.

I love presents as much as the next person but I really like it when someone does something different or thinks outside the box.

Guys if you make dinner for your woman she'll appreciate it more than that perfume you got from the Perfume shop, because it shows that thought, activity and effort went into that gift and moreover it's a gift you share together. This can apply to friends and family as well.

If you want to recycle gifts, better to pass on things that you would like to receive yourself as a simple rule, don't dump your junk on someone else, it makes you look cheap and that's never a good look.

Rather than just throwing stuff out if it's in good condition find out if there's someone you know who'd like it, they won't be offended or give it to the charity shop, Americans call it Goodwill.

The intangible gifts as I touched on previously are the ones that create what I call memory stamps; little pockets of memories that you'll never forget, gifts you can use over and over again.

Gifts of time 
Gifts of truth
Gift of trust - to give someone your trust is a BIG DEAL!
Gifts of friendship
Gifts of Kindness
Gifts of Knowledge/wisdom/advise 
Gifts of Freedom
Gifts of Expertise/ability
Gifts of love
Gifts of body - not just intimacy but organ donation as well
Gifts of Nature
Gifts of the Almighty!

I could go on ...

The Givology logo that inspired me to write this is from an organisation whose motto is give to learn and learn to give, check them out here www.givology.org

Givology did  not pay me to write this post and I'm not affiliated with them.

Today I receive a gift! Say it and Believe It!



30 Sep 2014

Love Recounted - A Novella By Anne Usanga Akpan

Her Eyes were the brightest shade of Amber he'd ever seen, damn he didn't know what it was but shit ... she had him wide open, just like that! without a word, a glance, without whatever. Damn she didn't, hadn't even noticed his presence.....what to do?

Mensae was in a fix, he had never been in this kinda situation before, women threw their Victoria Secrets at him for Lawd's sake and he always had them begging for more cause he put in work and he was a man about his business for sure but this. This was some new kinda crazy that he wasn't sure he knew how to deal with.

He was the playa to define all playaz! damn he frigging put the P in playa and that was no joke but all of a sudden dem eyes got him thinking about a diamond ring, he was thinking major ice, carrots like bugs bunny would like, something she would show all her friends, that would make them mad crazy with envy, and then he caught himself mid thought realised that he was on some crazy shit and made a mental note to cut down on the weed because shit like this just didn't happen to him! and to even entertain thoughts like this for some female even one that had him mesmerized and thinking crazy thoughts would do his image no good, no good at all. For God's sake he had video vixens, hood rats, chicken heads and some real bourgeois sistren that looked like they stepped off the cover of Ebony and Black Beauty on speed dial, one of the many perks of being in the music business, everyone and their mother wanted to be in the music business and all he had to do was say Sony Records and they were all over him!, women and men alike. The women became his playmates and the men his buddies if he felt them worthy, every once in a while he did actually meet someone that had real talent but back to those amber eyes.

No matter how he tried he couldn't look away and the sheer craziness of the situation made him laugh out loud. "Share the joke, he heard a voice say" and Sweet Jesus, if her voice wasn't the sweetest, smoothest sound he'd ever heard. In that instant he wondered if she could sing and what it would sound like for her to sing his name in different melodies and different languages. Well.... she demanded, care to share what's so funny?. He looked at her and said I just remembered a joke my friend from back home told me and it cracked me up proper! I can see she that she smiled, so share it with me. Mensae looked around to notice that other people in the store were interested in their conversation and what he had to say, he'd gone into HMV  to see how the artists on his record label were doing in the charts. He looked into the amber eyes and said, I'll share, if you tell me your name but not here, because I don't want someone else to go viral on my joke, before it even leaves my lips people be tweeting it and shit as if it was there's. That made her laugh, a sound that he knew wanted to hear again and again.

My name is Luma she said, and with that, she had him wide open!

©9javatar 2014

If you like this and would like the story to continue let me know. Thanks.

11 Jul 2014

How Do You Define Success?

My Question today is How do You define Success? In the fast food society in which we live in today and depending on where you come from Success is normally equated with financial success. That means lots of  money in the bank, a good home, nice clothes and being able to enjoy the finer things in life and all the trimmings that accompany it.

I come from Nigeria and in Nigeria success is equated with finance. It's just that plain and simple, however there are soo many people that chase financial success and the accumulation of material wealth to their own detriment and they loose their souls in the process. Yes folks what you see in Nollywood is not always fiction, sometimes these stories are based on real lives and real situations.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking wealth, how could I. I'm a 9ja girl through and through and I do love the good things of life just like anyone else, but in my case I feel that money should enable you to have a better standard of life not to be in competition with others. There's too much emphasis on material wealth in our neck of the woods.

Having said this everyone has a different definition of success and I've always admired a left sided point of view, you know, thinking alternatively in a way that people may see as being outside the box.

One person's view of success may be bringing up good mannered children who have good manners and possess the fear of God as well as respect for their elders ( this is worth more than silver of gold IMO).
I think this would definitely be a measure of success i.e successful parenting, especially in a society where some children know the price of everything but appreciate the value of nothing.

Another persons definition of success may be achieving and attaining the completion of a lifetime's ambition.
I would definitely fall into this category as there are many things that I was born to do which I have as yet not achieved. The fulfillment of these goals would be to me a mark of success to me, i.e; fulfilling lifelong ambitions.

In other cases it may be achieving goals (these obviously vary per person); weight targets, sports targets, career goals, life journeys etc.

In addition to this I just want to add that while all of us want to achieve some level of financial success, in my case enough money in the bank not to be a slave to the wage anymore and actually enjoy my life in any way that I deem fit. Money in and of itself cannot make you happy especially if you're unhappy to start with.

Success will bring with it it's own particular/unique problems, be prepared for this in everything that you do, be aware of the fact that people's attitudes towards will change, haters and lovers will come out of the wood work. If you are not grounded and if you do not have a true sense of who you are to begin with you may loose your way or not even recognise your metamorphosis. Surround yourself with old friends and family!

You define your own success in life and you also define the way in which you come to your success, remember that we all tread a different path in life, so do not measure yourself by another person's definition of success!